Oh, those crazy OTs, what will they think of next? # 10

The retarded dillweeds who believe that they can manipulate space and time are at the top of the totem pole in Scientology.  It took years of study and hundreds of thousands of dollars to reach this level of foolishness.  Here we have one of these clueless oafs, known as “OTs” using his great powers to fix a coffee machine.  Not only did he fix the machine so that he could get himself a good cup of coffee but he felt good enough about it to have his story put in a Scientology magazine.

Source: “Advance!” #17.

“Today was fantastic. I walked downstairs to get some coffee and the coffee machine was buzzing. So I put my hands out and moved them around the machine putting out beams to bounce back and thereby I could tell by watching the particle flow exactly where the error in the machine was. I found it and corrected the molecular structure of that area of the machine and the buzzing stopped.   Then I heard my air conditioner rattling so I looked at why it was rattling and it stopped.   I’m becoming much more at cause, I love it–like superman!

–Michael Pincus, OT”

Published in: on February 24, 2012 at 11:55 pm  Leave a Comment  

Oh, those crazy OTs, what will they think of next? #9

Behold the Scientology brains!!!

Over the years Scientology has made some astonishing claims as to what their adherents who have taken their upper level courses can do.  These people, termed “OTs” meaning that they are “Operating Thetans,” have the ability to travel in time, speak with ghosts (human and otherwise) manipulate matter, are immune to disease, read minds, see objects and people by remote viewing and have soaring intellects.  Where these powerful beings are kept is unknown except to say that people with great powers are conspicuously absent from the visible ranks of Scientology. 

Claims of these almighty abilities have been printed in the Scientology publication Advance!  When I started reading these OT success stories I just assumed that these tales were all the product of Scientology writers making fanciful claims at the behest of the editor.  But the truth is worse, Far Worse.  In his book Counterfeit Dreams Jeff Hawkins, who once served as an editor for that magazine, tells us that these stories were solicited from the Scientology org.  Readers were encouraged to write their OT experiences.  In other words, these people really believed that these things had actually happened!!  In view of their stories it seems incredible to outsiders that anyone could delude themselves enough to put their names on such drivel.  But the zany cult goes the extra mile to keep everyone else entertained.

In this particular bit of Scientology drivel an idiot OT thinks that he has caused part of the sky to explode.

I was in my office on the 11th floor of our building when I heard the Concord [sic] (jet) going over above. I looked out the window and saw the plane flying low to the north. The weather was warm and mildly cloudy. About five minutes later, while still in my office, I became aware of a mass one quarter mile up in the sky. I looked out but could see nothing.
After I sat down again, my awareness of the mass continued so I put a beam up towards it. A thunderous explosion followed and I received a tremendous return flow along the beam, which lifted my body at least six inches out of the chair. My secretary came running through to tell me some fool must be dynamiting in the centre of the city and near our building at that.
Later that same evening in the Foundation Org, someone mentioned that they had heard a crash like thunder and the time but on looking out the window could not see any rain clouds. They work on the other side of town and were still puzzled by the bang.
No doubt some kind of ridge had built up, and on my poking a beam into it, it had become unbalanced and dramatically dispersed.
Woke up the city nicely and caused me to chuckle no end.
John Protheroe, OT

From Advance! magazine, issue 17

Published in: on February 24, 2012 at 8:51 pm  Leave a Comment  

Oh, those crazy OTs, what will they think of next? #8

Behold the brain power of the Scientologists.

More babble from the OTs who are the cream of Scientology thinkers.  These people, who have enlivened the stories in this series by their daft and crazed belief that they have wonderful special powers, have spent many thousands of dollars and many years of study to reach this level.   These stories which are so funny at one level are so pathetic and lame in another.  There is some serious mental illness at work here.

I was walking past the big tree of Ron’s outside the front of the Manor, and I said to it “How old are you?” and got an answer from a thetan somewhere in it. It didn’t quite fit with the age of the Manor and the surroundings, and then I suddenly realized or found out that he’d come from Lebanon or somewhere as a young sapling. Then the thetan up and left.

Glyn Ketterige

From Advance! issue 16, “OT Phenomena, page 17.

Two wooden brains talking to each other.

Published in: on February 24, 2012 at 5:26 am  Leave a Comment